Is There Enough to go around?

My question is...is it human nature or learned behaviour....Why do people hate to see others happy? Successful? Confident?

Well after a lifetime of feeling "bullied" and "never good enough" I have come to realize that people believe that if you are happy, you are stealing from their happiness. If you are successful, that means less success for them. All good things in life sit in a big pot and there is only so much to go around. So you had better get what you can before someone else gets it! I don't know about you but even saying it that way gives me a bad feeling.

Then again, maybe I don't think like everyone else... In fact, I have often questioned my ability to be in business, partly because I do not believe in the "competition" aspect in many ways. Some people are very "hard core and ruthless" business men and women. After all there is only so much disposable income out there. But early on in my massage therapy career I came to believe that the more therapists there are, the better that is for the public. They might not all be coming to me but in the end, it's for the betterment of the community because it means more people are getting massage - which in the grand scheme of things boasts well for all therapists. I know this goes against conventional business wisdom but it is what I have come to believe. Since that time I have found this theory to prove true in other areas of my lfie as well.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not immune to it! There are still areas of my life where I feel insecure and funny enough these are the things that make me feel threatened the most. But I can now recognize that when I am not happy for someone else or their success, let's face it, it's jealousy on some level. Being able to identify the source of our feelings can give us a HUGE clue in working through them.

Let's look at an example....if we feel envious of someone else's sucess in their weight loss journey (just say yours is slow or maybe you haven't even started yet) we might criticize their efforts, talk about them behind their back, gossip about how they starve themselves or try to sabotage them by offering them unhealthy foods. How is that affecting the other person? Well it might upset them, make them sad and in some cases, depending on their level of security, they might quit. Or they might ignore it and continue to be successful, making you feel even worse about yourself and your journey.

But how does it affect you? The negative energy that you emmit in attempts to derail that person, just come back to you. The more you talk about them, the worse you feel about yourself, mayben ot imeediately or even consciously but it is true. Does it help you in your struggles with your weight? Does it make you feel better about eating foods that you know aren't healthy for you?

So why is it that we believe talking badly about others will help us feel better about ourselves? I believe it is learned behaviour. We are taught to compete at an early age. Our parents compare us with siblings and then classmates. We compete for seats in universities and colleges, we compete for jobs, we even compete for our significant others in many cases.

Well, you might think I am crazy all together but like I said, that isn't how I think at all. I think the more that you have and share, of your things and yourself, the more will come back to you. And if everyone gave more freely of themselves that all of that positive energy would be overwhelming and create HUGE changes in our world.

Let's get back to our weightloss example. So this time you are happy and supportive of your friend's success.

What have you lost by being happy for him/her?

What could you possibly gain? Hmm....a confidante, a partner in your own journey, tips and tricks for success, motivation - what worked for them might help you! If they are willing to share with you, then they benefit and so do you right? They gain even more self confidence by sharing what they have learned and you gain the benefit of their experience as well as their support, and support from someone who has already been successful counts for more than you might realize. To me that seems like a win-win situation?

Bottom line I think, is the next time that you have negative feelings towards someone or their situation or success, stop and question whether it might have something to do with what you feel they might be taking from you...is their happiness taking away from yours? Does their success meaning that you will fail? Or is your jealousy just confirmation that there is something in you that you want to change?

It's never about the other person!
So maybe instead of beating each other down and competing with each other we should try supporting and encouraging each other. I think we'd be in for a pleasant surprise.....

Health and happiness,
Lesley-Anne