I learned a few years back that I really am a very goal driven person. I didn't really know that about myself to be honest, but the past few years it has become painfully evident.
When my son was 6 months old I started to have recurring thoughts of an old promise that I had made myself a few years prior. A friend of mine competed in bodybuilding and although I admired her tremendously for her crazy regime I thought that it was too restrictive and unhealthy for me. The new class of "figure" was evolving and I stated that if "figure" ever came to Newfoundland that I would like to do it. In my mind it wasn't nearly as dangerous as bodybuilding.
Fast Forward about 4 years from then and low and behold here I am with a toddler, a new born and a body that I did not recognize. So I declared that I was going to compete in this still fairly new category of figure at one of the local provincial shows in November, just 2 months after my son would turn a year old.
A friend who had competed before (not the same one as previously mentioned) helped me prepare for this show and I slowly dieted down and trained for 6 months. Looking back I am still not sure how I did it with everything else going on but I am so proud that I did. I knew when I started that I would not be "competitive" with the other ladies but in the end, for me, it was about setting out to accomplish something that I said I was going to do. And I did. I walked on stage that show and placed 4th (out of 4) in the tall category. Not a great showing but I really didn't care! I was thrilled!
Then came the months of rebound. I was gaining and gaining back all of my weight even though I was eating good food. Truth be known I had done some serious damage to my metabolism by training and dieting on too much cardio and too few carbs. So as the weight crept back up I really struggled mentally with finding balance in my diet and workouts. (You might recall me telling you about the day that I wouldn't eat an apple because it had too many carbs? Well that was the result of this rebound).
Since that time and through all of that struggle a part of me has remained determined to prove that I can still get the physique that I know I am capable of by eating a healthy, balanced, real food diet and exercising a reasonable amount of time. I had not been able to find that up until now but I am finally at the point that I can see the changes and in the end it was the result of changing my mindset! Surprise, surprise!
So every so often the thoughts of competing re-emerge, and lately the sparkly bikinis have been calling my name again. This time the new category of "figure model" is even more appealing than any other has been in the past. It is the look of fit and lean but not overly muscular, but with a definite notable level of muscle but still very feminine - think "magazine cover" look.
So I still sit on the fence with a variety of back and forth thoughts on the competition thing...
For the past year I have debated over one main issue; that being my business. My business it to promote healthy balance in all aspects of life. Some argue that the fitness and competition lifestyle is a selfish one and not at all balanced or healthy. And to some point I have agreed and to be honest that is what has kept me away up until now. But the other side of that equation is that I also promote personal growth and goal setting so for me to set and achieve the goal of competing could potentially be a great source of inspiration for my friends, family and clients.
I think I have had a great fear of becoming obsessed with thoughts of shows and diets and workouts and bikinis....to the point that the fear has stopped me. I have also been holding myself back for fear of people misinterpreting my intentions for walking on stage. You see, I am a Christian and some see the sport as being very shallow and going against all that my faith teaches. (That is another blog right there*). It is something that I have had issues with.
But ultimately I think for me it is about setting a goal, following through, being transparent and accountable and inspiring others ~ the actual walking on stage is just the icing on the cake (pardon the pun). I have been so blessed to have a healthy, able body and I see it as my God given responsibility to treat it with the utmost respect as well as to use my life to lift up and inspire others.
So again, I still have no answer to the question that I get asked so frequently as to whether I will walk the stage again or not. I have a long way to go to get to that level in terms of my physique but I do have a plan. There are just over 12 weeks left until summer holidays from school and then camping begins. I have a wedding the first weekend of September so 2 goal dates in mind - and before pictures are taken. So what happens after that is any body's guess.....
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